Dear all:

It has been a mighty long time since my last blog and I'm truly sorry for the delay. School has played a big role in limiting my blogging time, but other more troubling factors have prevented me from being as open and honest about what transpires in the daily life of a WV parson and his wife. Sadly, these "factors" are not of our own making, nor do they seem affected by our input or concern for all involved.

Having recently learned we must consider relocating sooner than was agreed upon, has been a shock and disappointment, as I've grown very fond of Morgantown. I shall leave this line of thought now, since I'm bound by my role as a clergy spouse not to have an opinion about matters that affect me. I promise to try and blog more often, and ask that you continue to keep us in your prayers as we manage day to day.

Before I go on, I'll inform you that our Tony is humming right along (thanks be to God!!!), in spite of:

• neuropathy pain in his lower extremities,
• a tooth that refuses to be a team player,
• the usual (and and NOT so usual) challenges one faces as a parish priest.

For me, the past couple months have been a bit of a puzzle and a challenge:

I've so enjoyed being in LPN school, meeting new people I was beginning to call friends (something a clergy spouse generally NEVER has the luxury of doing), challenging this 46 year old mind, and spending time with some awesome elderly folk at the nursing home (clinicals).

As the weeks have swiftly passed, it has become painfully obvious there is something seriously wrong with my ability to access my memory bank. Every waking hour not in school has been spent buried in books, doing research, and trying to find ways to enable my brain to retain all that was expected of it. I've accumulated an entire library of supplemental learning tools and books, to help retain information. Unfortunately, it's not working as well as I'd expected, and not enough information is remaining retrievable for test taking sake.

Searching for an answer:

1. Is it my age?
2. Is it the lack of hormones (total hysterectomy 2000)?
3. Is the problem lack of space in the ole gray-matter hardrive?
4. Is it the anti-depressant?
5. Is it stress related?
6. Is it Adult ADD/LD?

Having mulled over the above, I began working toward methodically answering each question, with the hope of resolving the problem.

Age? Not likely

Hormones? Distinct Possibility...

Estrogen docking sites are present in several regions of the brain, including those involved in memory (such as the hippocampus). When activated by estrogen, these sites, in turn, activate processes that are beneficial to the brain. In addition, estrogen may, in effect, raise levels of certain brain chemicals (neurotransmitters). These include the neurotransmitters acetylcholine (implicated in memory), serotonin (implicated in mood), noradrenaline (implicated in mood and other autonomic functions), and dopamine (implicated in motor coordination). Thus, estrogen facilitates networking between nerve cells, promoting their ability to "talk to" one another.

Solution: Back on the HRT patch.

Lack of Brain Space? (see Stress)

Anti-depressant? (given to help surgically induced menopause, back in 2000)

Internet research has now proven to me that Effexor is strongly related to memory problems. Great, huh? What they don't tell you when they put you on this stuff!

Effexor XR ( Phenethylamine Monoamine Reuptake Inhibitor ): Amazing to find how many people are suffering memory loss at the hands of a pill that's supposed to take the edge off. Over 15,000 people have signed a petition requesting that the maker of Effexor, Wyeth-Ayerst, be required to make a full and accurate disclosure of the side effects many are suffering with, or at least require physicians to inform their patients.

"many debilitating adverse reactions such as insomnia, deterioration in eyesight, high blood pressure, dehydrating night sweats, memory problems, and thyroid disorders which can cause the very depression this medication was first prescribed to treat, among other serious side effects."

Solution: Spent the past 6 weeks weaning self off Effexor. Not pleasant at all, but it's now done! On that note, please keep in mind my blithering may be injected with a bit more honest dialog then you've experienced from me in the past.

STRESS? Very likely, but must get help determining just how much stress is playing a role in the problem.

As you can see from the lovely little estimate of how my brain space is alloted, were I able to dedicate my entire brain to my studies, maybe it wouldn't be quite as difficult to recall information.

Factors contributing to stress?

1. Difficulty retaining information, and not knowing exactly how to remedy it.
Solution: Help from professional resources.

2. Juggling a vast array of obligations and responsibilities.
Solution: Better management of time and prioritizing of obligations and responsibilities.

3. Mental and Financial strain of medical related issues.
Solution: Rob a bank?

4. The often challenging and complicated issue of being a "clergy spouse".
Solution: None, unless that "perfect world" I secretly dream of becomes a reality, where CSpice are treated as individuals with a voice, a life, dreams, aspirations, and a very different life experience.

5. Prospects for the future: anticipated, and those very much NOT anticipated.
Solution: See Item #4 Solution.

6. Impending relocation.
Solution: See Item #4 Soution.

7. Better left unsaid.
Solution: See Item #4 Solution.

8. Managing Time between: Home, Family, Pets, Obligations, Responsibilities, Church, School and Self
Solution: See Item #2 Solution.

9. Dissapointment and deeply felt heartache regarding the slow and steady crumbling of "the church", as so very many truly dedicated souls (the true and living heart of the church) are care-lessly swept aside by politics, rampant ignorance, self-centered pride and shameful acts of injustice!
Solution: Better left unsaid!

ADD/LD? Looks to be very likely.

The 6 types of ADD:

1. Classic

2. Inattentive

3. Overfocused

4. Temporal Lobe

5. Limbic

6. "Ring of Fire."

After completing a couple of extensive tests, there's a strong probability I'm dealing with Type II ADD with a slight chance of Type V as well:

People with inattentive type ADD, the second most common type, often don't get professional attention. As with the ADD combined type, brain studies in patients with ADD, inattentive subtype reveal a decrease in brain activity in the frontal lobes of the brain in response to an intellectual challenge. Again, it seems that the harder these people try to concentrate, the worse it gets... there is a decrease in activity in the prefrontal brain, particularly the sides of the prefrontal brain. It is as if this area of the brain fails to connect with the rest of the brain. ADD, inattentive subtype is often very responsive to stimulant medications. These medications "turn on" the frontal lobes and prevent brain shutdown, allowing a person to have more access to this part of their brain.

This past week I went to visit my G.P. who has me trying out a medication called Strattera. We debated my reasons for going off the anti-depressant, and he inquired about whether I thought going to school "at this time" was the best course of action. (interestingly, he's not the first to ask this question)

Although I've now read about potential liver damage with Strattera, but plan to give these things 30 days. So far I'm not thrilled about the funky feeling I have while on them, along with the emotional swings, irritability and tummy upset. As is always the case with any medication, one is faced with weighing the pros vs cons. sigh

So, as you can see I've been a bit consumed by more then school. Again, I shall try and blog more often and keep you posted on the happenings and well being of these two wayward souls. Know that we cherish your part in our lives, and look forward to hearing from you often.